Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
