I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
