please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
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