We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
