I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
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