it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Randomize
