cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
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