I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Randomize
