just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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