Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
I DEMAND FORESKIN
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