butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
I want to have your abortion
Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
