I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Randomize
