apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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