Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Randomize
