So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
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