Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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