i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
