Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
Randomize