How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
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