Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
We talked him into tasing himself.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
Randomize
