It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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