I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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