Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
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