I love watching others lives come down to our level.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
