BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
I'm having to shit out rocks
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
