Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
