worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Randomize
