you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
