I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Randomize
