ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Randomize
