tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Randomize