'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Randomize
