I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
