If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Randomize
