i wish my penis had a tongue
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
