If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
