Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Randomize
