Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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