i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
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