We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
