But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
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