I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
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