I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
I love you. Go after that dick
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
