Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
