i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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