when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Randomize
