any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
