she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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