Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize