So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize
