yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
false alarm. still invincible.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
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