I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
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