I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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