Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
I'm way too hungover for life right now
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
I woke up under a house in Key West
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
