He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
