The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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