I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
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