If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Randomize
