Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
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