after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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