Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Randomize
